What To Do - Before a First Date
What To Do - Before a First Date
Monday, 05 April 2010 00:00
Have you been getting online and meeting potential dates? Has one of your friends fixed you up with someone you’ve never met before? Or, did you meet someone when you were out with friends—and you’re about to go on a first date?
First dates can give you a little—or a lot of—anxiety. Here are some tips to help you be prepared and relaxed.
A semi-detached frame of mind
What is semi-detached? You want to be available for conversation, but you are unattached to the outcome. It helps if you view your first date with a simple sense of adventure. This is your single life and you’re going to enjoy it, so let go of all projections, fears, and doubts. Maybe you’re about to meet a new romantic partner; maybe the person will be a new friend; and maybe this person won’t be a match for either of those identities, but relax and let it be what it will be. At the very least, this person is giving you his or her time, so sit back and allow yourself to learn something new from this encounter.
A stash of cash
Always take enough money with you to pay your own way. Even if the person invited you and the assumption is that he (or she) is paying, you want to be free of any sense of obligation or dependency. You don’t know this person yet; you don’t know what to expect; you don’t want to feel embarrassed if your date wants you to pay for half of the costs—or more.
Your own wheels
Whether you’re driving, taking a taxi, or riding a bus, you want to deliver yourself to the first date and back home again all by yourself. If the date should flounder and start going sour, you can always leave early. Leave nothing to chance and take nothing for granted. On a first date, you are responsible for you.
Cell phone usage
Don’t forget to charge the batteries in your cell phone because, yes, you do want to take it for all kinds of reasons such as, if you’re going to be late, or you get lost, or for plain safety reasons. However, it is the height of rudeness to talk on your phone or check for text messages while on your date. Unless you have a family medical crisis going on—turn the phone off while you’re talking to your date.
LOSING THE SECOND DATE
You will probably not be asked out for a second date if you don’t pay attention to the following:
Drinking too much
This is one of the biggest reasons people do not get asked out again- alcohol content. Too play it safe, limit yourself to ONE drink only. Many a person has gotten nervous, not paid attention to how much they were drinking, and crossed that delicate line of what’s appropriate and what isn’t. You may feel in a festive mood, or missed lunch, or have had a stressful day, which can lead to getting tipsy before you know it. You may be a person who actually rarely drinks, but if you get drunk, your date will never know that because you’ll probably never see him or her again.
Stories of trauma and drama
Talking about the miserable events in your life can really scare people away. It isn’t dignified to share very personal stories of loss or misery before you know someone well. It is also putting a great burden on the other person to expect them to know how to handle your feelings. Keep the first date sharing on a generic level and stay away from the horror stories.
Easy on the scents
One spritz of your cologne or perfume is all you need, if that. Some people are allergic to heavy or flowery smells so go easy and don’t take a bath in it.
Forget about the bowl of beans and the bottle of beer
Any food or liquid that makes you burpy or gassy is obviously not a great idea. Unless your date is a sixth grade boy, (all bodily sounds are hilarious to pre-teen boys) take a pass on the possibility of gas.
Too much skin
A blouse or shirt unbuttoned to your waist is not going to make a good impression unless you live on an island in the tropics. Showing too much cleavage sends an unsettling message—unless that’s the message you want to send.
Breath
Your next date may be a breath away—and that’s why you want some breath mints. When you speak you want to be listened to, but some people may find that hard to do if they have to turn away.
You can remove all of these obstacles to the success of your first date. And then you really can sit back, relax, and let it unfold. This is how you become... a SAVVY dater.
HAVE A GREAT WEEK!