What Is Attractive? Who Is Attractive?

Monday, 18 January 2010 00:00

Have you ever experienced meeting a stunning girl (or guy) and after just a few minutes of talking, they appear less attractive?  What is it that some people do that causes them to lose attraction points shortly after you meet them?  The reality of how they look conflicts with the way they seem to look in a very short time.  The irony of the situation is that these people spend a great deal of time on their looks without becoming aware that their attitudes and behaviors sabotage all of their efforts.  After studying this disconnect in people, and looking at how they come across to others, I have noted certain negative patterns that contribute to the presentation of who they are.

PATTERNS OF NEGATIVITY

The Entitlement Trap

Some people who are very beautiful step into this trap.  Why? Because initially attracting people is easy for them. Following that, they sometimes think that most of life’s rules don’t apply to them.  The truth is, five minutes into a conversation with a person who is disconnected from their soul, what he or she looks like becomes unimportant.  People are seeking out the “real” person under the exterior.  When they see it isn’t there, they’re disenchanted.

Excessively Burdened About Not Being Handsome or Pretty Enough

When people are obsessively concerned about how they look, they aren’t really there when you talk to them.  Their mind is on their appearance and they’re more concerned about what others are thinking about them than they are about what someone is saying.  While you talk, they may be scanning the room to see who’s looking at them.  They may be looking past you and into the mirror behind you.  They check out their hair and clothes instead of looking at you during conversation.  And they actually believe that people only like them for their looks.

Bringing Attention To Flaws

There are some very attractive people in the world who not only refuse compliments, they also have to point out what they see as their flaws.  If you say something like, “You’re a beautiful girl,” and she says, “Oh no – I’m not beautiful because I have floppy thighs,” you soon will be unable to hear anything else she says because you're waiting to see her walk away and watch for the trembling legs.  No one should ever, ever denigrate some part of themselves they find unacceptable—especially when you are out meeting people.  Stop being judgmental of yourself.  Jello thighs or not, you will scare people away.
Fear and Kindness

Some people may not realize how they are coming across.  They may appear rude, abrupt, aloof or inaccessible, and it isn’t worth the time to draw them into conversation.  Before you go out, tamp down your fears by reminding yourself that you are a good, caring, worthy person, and remember the people who love you.

Voicing Insecurities

Ahhh…this one will really drive a wedge between you and others.  If you say things like, “I’m so weird I scare people away,” or, “I’m just crazy.  I’ve always been crazy,” you cause people to not trust you.  Furthermore, your attractiveness level just plummeted.  When you run yourself down by talking about how crazy and unbalanced you are, this is a frightening self-description, which diminishes your identity.  What are some other unfortunate things people say?  “I’m stupid.  I didn’t do well in school.”  “My ex always called me a loser.”  “I don’t have any luck but bad luck.”  “I always get rejected by guys (or girls).”  “Every guy I’ve ever loved has left me.”  Monitor yourself and what you are saying.  Don’t put this negativity out there.

Interrogating and Accusing Others

If someone is overly conscious of their weight or looks, they may confront others using words like, “Why do you like Suzy more than you do me?  Do you think she is prettier than I am?”  This behavior introduces conflict and confusion into the relationship and the end result is that the person being accused will see the confronting person as much less attractive.

What makes you attractive?  Confidence.  How do you get it?  You EARN it.  You try your best, do your best, and take loving care of yourself. And you surround yourself with people who mirror back to you what they see--the wonderful person you are.

HAVE A FABULOUS WEEK!  And send me your dating/relationship questions.