Savvy Dating Notes: Thoughts on Love... and Las Vegas
Thursday, 05 August 2010 00:00
Dear Readers,
Back from a recent promotional book tour to Indiana, Las Vegas, Houston, and Cleveland, viewers, interviewers, and people I meet by chance usually ask the questions that I try to address here. They want to know how to get over love; how to find love; how to sustain love.
And what is the most frequently asked question of all? “How do you meet someone?” Hungry for hope, wanting to hear answers, and in spite of any prevailing cynicism…they all want to meet the love of their lives.
It’s not easy answering such a serious question in a sound bite. It teeters on the edge of seeming too flip, too simple, or terribly insincere. I start off by explaining that in order to meet someone, you have to meet yourself first. The details of that statement can be found in what I write each week.
On this particular journey, the days I spent in Vegas were the ones that were so different from anything, anywhere else. I tried to keep a journal of my thoughts but the experience defied description. Sometimes, there are no metaphors or adjectives to capture what is happening. Briefly, what ran through my mind were these random observations:
* There is so much NOISE: in the casinos, at the restaurants, and in the hotels. How does anyone have a conversation? Shouting to be heard by someone right next to you is not a conversation.
* It is so HOT! When you step outside, (which gamblers rarely do) you can barely breathe. Truly a desert, I wonder to myself how living things survive…even with water. (Residents have artificial turf if they want the look of grass in their front yards.)
* Las Vegas brings in such incredible TALENT! I didn’t take a survey, but I can imagine there is more entertainment genius per square foot there than in any other city in America.
* There is so much BLING. Sunglasses indoors are a necessity with such a high level of sparkle and dazzle.If you ever had a latent addiction, or an active one that you work hard to manage, this is not the place for you. Gambling, drinking, eating, substance abuse, random liaisons, posturing, and anything else you want to stay away from could come roaring to the surface in this setting. The atmosphere is charged with surreal energy. The way money is thrown around makes it seem like Monopoly money…thin, merely paper, and disconnected from the reality of anyone having earned it.
* Some of the same people sitting at the slot machines last night are still there in the morning…betting dollar bills every five seconds for hours on end. I desperately want to sit down next to them and ask: “Could you tell me your story?” But I’m afraid they’ll call security.
* One of my TV interviews is at 6:00am. As I climb into a taxi to go to the station, I see the ladies of the night leaving the hotel and catching rides home. When I mention this to one of my friends, she asks, “What did they look like?” “Tired,” I say… “Very young…very detached …and tired.”
* The hosts of the TV shows were some of the nicest and best I’ve met. Real people really do live in Vegas.
Back at home base, it took me a few days to re-enter planet Earth and gravity. But reentry was a pleasant experience since one of my clients called to give me an update on her life …and reminded me of why I love coaching. The following is a thumbnail sketch of her story, with all identifying markers changed to protect her privacy:
I’ll call her Perpetual (Pet for short) because when we started working together, she was a perpetual victim. Her first husband was an abuser; her second husband left her for a woman of wealth; her third “husband-to-be” turned out to be engaged to someone else. Throw in some relatives who were ungrateful for her financial support, some distant relatives who lived with her who needed constant care, her almost total isolation from friends and colleagues, and you had a woman who was in perpetual misery.
She kept waiting for people to be grateful; she kept waiting for things to change; she kept waiting for love to come to her… but had given up hope.
Flash forward to this moment. At 53-years-old, she learned about boundaries, how to take loving care of herself, and re-ignited her dormant career. Did this happen overnight? No. Was it all breezy and easy? Of course not. But in time, she hit her stride in her work, found better placements for the relatives, re-discovered her old friends, made some new ones, and found her individual exercise and diet program. I call her Miss Perpetual Motion, dating 3 or 4 different guys who are incredibly interesting, fabulous, and successful…and crazy about her.
As her life moves on at this clip, she is perpetually happy. And…she may find that one of these guys—or, a guy in the future—is a lifetime love connection.
This is the kind of sparkling, dazzling reality that I love. No Monopoly money needed here. She has the real thing.