How to Rate your Dinner Date

Monday, 29 March 2010 18:44

Going out to dinner on a first or second date can be a challenge.  It’s hard to talk and look at someone you don’t know well while you’re both chewing and eating.  Depending on what you order, there are other embarrassing risk factors, like, spinach or lettuce sticking to your teeth, giving you a smile that’s a little scary.  If you order spaghetti, you may either need a tablecloth sized bib, or, have a polka dot splattered shirt by the end of the meal.  And more than one person, nervous from dating someone new, has over indulged on liquid refreshments, blowing all chances of another date.

So why put yourself through this?  A dinner date can also be an opportunity to observe some telling behavior.  Your role is not to judge; your place is to pay attention to some of the personal characteristics of your date that may or may not work for you.  What should you look for?  Absolutely no one is perfect, but you might turn the radar up on the following:

Attitude

In this type of setting, you have a window to peer through as this person orders their food.  Is he or she kind to the wait staff?  Does he ask you what you would like or does he tell the waiter what to bring without consulting you?  Does he start eating his food before you are served?  If someone has been raised with a role model of good manners, he may automatically appear to do all the right things.  But if you listen carefully, you may hear the overtones of anything from caring to condescension.  These are important qualities to identify if you’re thinking of spending more time with this person.

Focus

What is your date focused on?  Is it the wine, the decor, or the people in the restaurant?  Is she obsessed with how she looks, how other people look, or how you look?  When you talk, does she listen and ask questions—or do you get a chance to talk at all?  Notice what your date chooses to see, hear, and think about.  This will give you some idea of what she values.  If she’s sharing how she loves her work, though she admits that some days can be stressful, this is a sign that she is positive, yet realistic.  But if she complains about her boss, her lack of money, or worse yet—her ex—this could be the red flag warning you of a real draining person.  Everyone has gifts and sorrows in their lives.  Which ones does she choose to focus on?

Communication Signals

Learn to be a keen observer of body language.  Does he look at you and make eye contact when he talks?  Does he reach out to touch your hand or arm when he wants to make a point in the conversation?  Does he talk to you with his heart and chest facing yours?  If you answered no to these questions, your date is unavailable emotionally, either from fear of rejection, lack of confidence, or from not feeling the chemistry between you.  Your job is not to stress.  Your job is to remember that another date with another person is right around the corner.

Caring

You can tell a lot about someone’s level of caring and generosity on a dinner date.  Does he or she offer to pay for the entire meal, or at least their half?  Even if you insist on picking up the tab because it was your invite, the gesture is appreciated.  Does he extend common courtesies like asking where you’d like to sit, what kind of food you prefer, or going out of his way to hang up your coat?  Does he offer to share some of his food with you, or does he eat so rapidly you can’t keep pace with him?  If he asks you questions, listens to your answers, and is sweetly, genuinely interested in what you have to say, that’s a good indication that he is the caring sort.  Whether he’s “The One” or not remains to be seen as you spend more time together.  But you are off to a good start.

The Curve Balls

For a true look into your date’s best or worst qualities, watch for the reaction to rudeness, disappointments, or the unexpected.  Did the waiter ignore taking your order for a long time?  Was your meal cold or too rare or not what you ordered at all?  How did your date respond to any of these unpleasant surprises?  Think of these glitches as an opportunity to see whom you’re really out with.

A dinner date as a first date is not the easiest venue to manage.  However, with a forgiving but watchful eye, you could learn a lot.  All of these experiences help you become… a SAVVY dater.

Have a FABULOUS week!