Finding A Great Quarter Horse Is Like Finding A Great Date

Monday, 15 February 2010 00:00

Have you asked yourself lately what you want?  Often, when I ask coaching clients that question, they look a little lost and say, “I don’t really know.  I don’t spend much time thinking about what I want—I’m too busy taking care of everyone else.”

After years of asking people what they want, I decided to ask myself that same question.  Since I’ve already dated, found the drop dead fabulous guy and married him, and enjoy my purpose in life, what more is there?  Then it hit me: having a great Quarter Horse, of course.  These steps helped me get what I wanted.  Maybe they can do the same for you in dating.

In order to have what you want, you have to get clear about what that is.  When it comes to dating most people look first for the chemistry, and second, for the shared interests.  If they find those two things, they think they’ve got a match.  Close…but not exactly true.  The magic disappears if the person (or horse) turns out to have a mean spirit.  Listen carefully to what the person says and how he or she says it.  (Watch how the horse interacts with other people and horses.)  Ask questions about their relationship history and look for the patterns in their behavior.  What do they say about their past dates or mates?  Are they jealous, vindictive, blaming, or still angry?  Or have they learned from past experiences and moved on?

I knew I wanted a well-trained horse with a steady, sweet disposition.  I needed to know the history of the horse’s behavior so there wouldn’t be any nasty surprises.  Horses—like people—can be dangerous if you can’t trust them.

You need friends, buddies, family, or coworkers who will introduce you to what you want.  I went to my cousin, Jack Bonny, who is the master at networking.  He spent years in the Oklahoma House of Representatives and he wouldn’t have been re-elected over and over if everybody didn’t know him and like him.  If you don’t know him, you should—or, at least somebody like him.  Because you need people helping you, who see you, love you, and have your best interests at heart.  When it comes to dating, there is no better way to meet someone than through the help of others.

Maybe you don’t need to go there to get a date, but I went to Oklahoma. Why? It’s full of cowboys, horses, cattle and ranches. My Dad used to get his horses there.  It’s also where my cousin Jack and his wife Janet live. I needed shelter—on all levels...and there's no better place to find it than with them.  And if they didn’t know where the horse I wanted was, they knew where to ask.

Do you know where to find dates?  If you don’t, now is the time to network and find out.  You need to know where the best places are to find the kind of person you’re looking for.  Do you like to ski?  Take a single’s weekend ski trip.  Do you prefer scuba diving, tennis, spiritual retreats, or photography?  Find your interest and follow that thread of energy.  That’s where you’re likely to meet someone.

Get Focused

When you want something important you have to FOCUS on it.  Spend five minutes a day picturing it, feeling the emotions of having it, and imagining the smell, touch, and sound of it.  Visualize yourself in the setting with it.  Cut out pictures of what you want and put them in a place where you’ll see them often.  And then, do the things you need to do to make it happen. I could just see that Quarter horse.  I could smell him and feel him and see myself riding him.  He was already mine before I got there.

I wanted a horse that liked me as much as I liked him.  I must have looked at and ridden dozens of horses.  When I found my horse, he nuzzled me and tried to follow me.  If you find what you think is your dreamboat, but he or she doesn’t feel the same about you (nuzzling and neighing), there’s only one thing to do.  Keep looking.

Does he or she say or do something that rings a distant bell of a forgotten memory?  My father’s last horse’s name was Jake.  After I rode my horse over the fields and streams in Oklahoma, I felt a certain kinship with him.  We went home and I thought about him.  The next day, I rode him again.  Finally, I said to the cowboys, “I love this horse. What’s his name?”

“Jake,” they said.  “We call ‘im Jake.”  I brought him home.

Do you really, really want to meet someone?  Try some good old “horse sense”.  It can help your dreams come true.