Communication Skills Required
Monday, 22 February 2010 00:00
Are you looking to apply for the position of having more fun, more social life, and more people asking you out this spring? Would you like to succeed beyond your wildest dreams? If you are preparing yourself for a great dating career, remember: communication skills are required. You may need to hone those skills, however, because in today’s world…you want to be presenting your best self.
To begin with, you need to understand how people perceive you when you interact with them. In turn, you also want to be able to hear, read, and absorb what others are saying to you. You may have habits, behaviors, or signals that you are unaware of that send the opposite message of what you want to say. If you’re out of touch with what you are unintentionally communicating, chances are, you may not be receiving the messages of others clearly either.
Here are some tips to help make your life easier. I’ve identified these communication forms with a distinct title to describe the condition you want to avoid and how to reframe it to suit your goals.
- The IS Problem
IS stands for Inappropriate Sharing. You’ll recognize this unfortunate style if you meet someone and before she has barely said, “Hello,” she has told you about her eating disorders, her father’s terminal illness, and her potty that overflowed and smelled up the carpet. With all that sad negative news that can only drain your energy, you feel ready to move away from this otherwise attractive person. To give her the benefit of the doubt, she may simply feel it is best to start off telling the truth. But the truth is, people can only handle a certain degree of that personal sharing before they are…saturated.
Communication Tip: If you are inclined to be super friendly, keep away from the IS syndrome when you first meet people. Some folks can handle it, but most can’t. Stay upbeat, share funny stories, and talk about your work or hobbies you love. Leave people with something good to remember you by.
- The NOTT Syndrome
NOTT stands for No Opportunity To Talk with someone in a conversation because they do "nott" contribute any information. When you ask questions, they answer with one word and never share their thoughts, experiences or feelings. Soon, you get tired of yourself since your voice is the only one being heard. If a person doesn’t contribute to the conversation, remembering that communication must be mutual for a relationship to have a starting point, you can’t find out who they are.
Communication Tip: If you sincerely want to date, you must NOTT answer a question with a one-word answer. To show the other person that you have manners, intelligence, kindness, and interest, respond with several sentences. Example: “Are you from this town?” Bad answer: “No.” Good answer: “I live here now but I’m originally from Weedpatch, California.” Now you have something to talk about.
- Forget about IT.
This communication style is not related to “Information Technology.” This one is called Inappropriate Timing. This is when someone asks for personal information before you barely know him or her. The IT syndrome occurs when people have poor boundaries, lack a sense of awareness of where they are socially, or choose the exact wrong time to start talking about something personal, (like their ex, in front of your parents.)
Communication Tip: If you are a person who has a history of IT, keep your shares and your questions generic until you know someone well. Give yourself TIME to know someone in order to be able gauge what his or her response will be.
- CB – in overdrive.
A CB is a Chatter Box who talks incessantly and says nothing. Nervousness can often be the cause of this problem but the listener is simply a prop. Once the CB gets started, it’s hard to flip the OFF switch. They can get a high from being the center of attention, and giving someone else a chance to talk is nowhere on their radar. People avoid CBs because no one wants to be used, unheard, and not cared about.
Communication Tip: If you get held captive by a CB, as soon as they take a breath, excuse yourself and find someone else to talk to. If you recognize that you might be guilty of this habit, give yourself a new rule: you will stop talking after 2 or 3 sentences and ask a question—giving the other person time to answer.
Did you recognize yourself in any of the above? Did you see anyone you know? Think about what’s appropriate to talk about when you’re out, what image you want to project, and practice your communication skills with your friends, asking for feedback. This could lead you to—a SAVVY dating life.