The 5 Biggest Obstacles to Dating
Monday, 22 March 2010 18:45
My job as a coach is about empowering singles to find the life and love they want. As I listen, watch, care, and remember the single’s struggle, I notice certain themes of behavior that crop up on a regular basis. Recognizing the signs of what many singles are doing and the messages they are telegraphing helps bring them the insight needed to break unproductive habits.
If you are not dating as much as you would like to, pay attention to some of the following. Here are the 5 BIG obstacles to dating:
Co-Dependent Love Relationships
Monday, 15 March 2010 00:00
Do you have a history of going from one bad relationship to another? Do you think you are just unlucky in the love department? If you are someone who expects others to love you and give you what you want because you take care of them, luck…or a lack of it… has nothing to do with it. Attempting to earn the love of another by attending to their neediness, sadness, or misery is called co-dependency.
Needing to be needed usually causes you to attract and choose someone who is helpless, hopeless, and in a constant crisis— but can never give you what you want. The initial attraction may be intense: you recognize the person’s needs; your love interest recognizes the caretaker in you, and it feels like a perfect match on the surface. As the relationship progresses, however, and you move from one major problem to another, solving, fixing, and rescuing him or her becomes your permanent job. You may think that, surely, if you can handle this “one last” problem they present to you, you will be appreciated and finally be happy. But it never happens. Even if you eventually give up and leave this relationship, if you do not find your self, you will find another needy person.
Dating In Tough Times
Monday, 08 March 2010 00:00
Are you finding it hard to date, or even to think about dating, in these tough economic times? Does a movie and dinner sound like it would break the bank? Maybe it’s time we take a lesson from the page of those who went before us.
My mother grew up in Oklahoma during the Depression. That experience branded her with what her children thought were some strange ways. She never threw anything away, all leftovers had to be eaten before anything new would be cooked, and all clothes were homemade…by her. She gardened; she canned; she pickled. She sold Avon, encyclopedias, Tupperware, dresses from catalogues, and anything else that would make a little money. If people saw my mother coming down the street they would duck and run because they knew—Alma Evetts was going to sell them something. I guess if you grow up barefoot, picking cotton, and riding a mule to school with your three brothers, there isn’t much you can’t do to earn an honest dollar.
And that’s kind of what this economy is coming down to for everyone: thrift, perseverance, and determination.
On Being Yourself
Monday, 01 March 2010 00:00
Turn on any channel of the TV or open a tabloid magazine and you can see people who are trying to be something…or anything… other than who they are. We know they are often not the image they project since we have seen so many of their lives play out into tragedy. They have a certain glamour to convey, and who lives under the gloss is anyone’s guess. But instead of shining the spotlight on the characters in the media, the lesson for all of us is probably to turn the spotlight within. Forget the Hollywood red carpet. Who is standing on the carpet in your life? When you look in the mirror, do you like the person you see?
Within the universal Law of Attraction is a well-known fact: you attract who you are. If you are trying to be someone else, and are uncomfortable in your identity, chances are strong that you will meet someone with this same condition. In order to get aligned with your goal of meeting someone wonderful, here are some ideas to launch you on the path to finding more of yourself:
Communication Skills Required
Monday, 22 February 2010 00:00
Are you looking to apply for the position of having more fun, more social life, and more people asking you out this spring? Would you like to succeed beyond your wildest dreams? If you are preparing yourself for a great dating career, remember: communication skills are required. You may need to hone those skills, however, because in today’s world…you want to be presenting your best self.
To begin with, you need to understand how people perceive you when you interact with them. In turn, you also want to be able to hear, read, and absorb what others are saying to you. You may have habits, behaviors, or signals that you are unaware of that send the opposite message of what you want to say. If you’re out of touch with what you are unintentionally communicating, chances are, you may not be receiving the messages of others clearly either.
Here are some tips to help make your life easier. I’ve identified these communication forms with a distinct title to describe the condition you want to avoid and how to reframe it to suit your goals.
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