What’s An Emotional Rollercoaster? The Holidays
Monday, 15 November 2010 00:00
Life can get frantic at this time of year. It’s not just the prepping and primping for the holidays, nor the scheduling, planning, shopping, or cooking. It’s the EMOTIONS that the holidays stir up in people that keep my phone and computer wires (w)ringing.Yes…holidays can be warm and happy times. All the ingredients are there for sharing food, gifts, parties, reunions, and unforgettable moments. But what some people tend to forget until it smacks them right in the heart is: the holidays can be a brewing cauldron of unresolved issues from the past. The Christmas happiness you didn’t have years ago; the person in the family who let you down; the romantic partner who is no longer in your life; … these are the kinds of memories that can suddenly resurge, flickering on and off like a call-waiting signal.
Five Steps to Get Ready for the Holidays When You're Single
Monday, 08 November 2010 00:00
What exactly ARE you doing for the holidays? It may sound too early to think about, but if you are single, you should not be without a plan. You have to prepare for what you want. This is how you not only survive— you thrive during the season.It’s easy to get isolated when you are single. But if you plan, you don’t have to be alone on the holidays—unless that idea sounds wonderful to you. If you would relish a few days of quiet time, reading a great book, taking walks, sleeping late, and watching movies, then plan for that. But if alone on the holidays sounds lonely on the holidays—take the steps necessary to change that.
Read more: Five Steps to Get Ready for the Holidays When You're Single
Review of Thriving After Divorce
Monday, 01 November 2010 00:00
Book Review: Thriving After DivorceReviewed by Eliza @ http://www.silverandgrace.com. Tonja is their resident Dating Expert.
I have been through two break-ups of long term relationships. It would have been extremely helpful to read Tonja Evetts Weimer’s Thriving After Divorce at some point along the road. If I had read it after the first break-up, there is no way I would have entered into the second relationship. If I had read it after the second break-up, my path to ‘thriving’ might have been a little better lit.
I am never one to play the If Only game, so I accept that I am who I am now because of the round about path I took. However, because of my more arduous journey, I recognize an excellent guide book when I see it, and Tonja’s Thriving After Divorce is it.
The sub-title of the book is Transforming your life when a relationship ends.
Ya right. Whether we choose to end a relationship, or it is chosen for us by our partner, transforming our life appears laughable, if not downright impossible. Unless transforming ourselves from Blithering Idiot to Raging Banshee, and back again, counts.
Trust me though, it can be done, and working through the steps that Tonja suggests is transformative. My life has never been better, and I actually sent my second ex a thank you letter for making the choice to break up for us.
Tonja’s approach is all about changing our TAO. In Eastern religious philosophy this roughly translates to ‘the way’. Tonja shows us ‘the way’ by breaking the word TAO into three dependent parts:
* Take
* Actions
* Outcome
Takes, or perceptions, lead to certain Actions, which lead to certain Outcomes. Once we recognize our old Takes, we can create new Takes, new Actions, new Outcomes. Divorce no longer needs to be scary and painful, but transformative.
Obviously, I recommend this book to anyone who is going through a relationship break-up. Interestingly, though, I simply recommend this book. Period. To anyone.
We all have elements of our lives that we should be ‘breaking up with’. Toxic friendships and dead end jobs, to name just a couple. Tonja’s advice is applicable to all situations in which we need to let go and move on in order to thrive. In other words, any situation in which we need to change our Take.
As Tonja points out: “When it is difficult for one person in a relationship to let go, it is usually a sign of reluctance to grow.” For example, I am happy as all get out in my relationship with Mr. Very Right, but not so much with my relationship to my 9 to 5 job. There is no growth … at all. I will be using all the steps in Thriving After Divorce to change my Take, identify new Actions, and lead myself to a much healthier Outcome.
Any old Takes in your life that just are not working for you? Maybe it is time to ‘divorce’ yourself from them and start thriving.
Missing your weekly article from Tonja? Check out these other websites where Tonja regularly writes:
http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/815360/are-you-falling-for-someone-1
http://datingsymbol.com/2010/10/29/how-to-meet-someone%E2%80%A6over-the-holidays/
Dating Mistakes You Don't Want to Make
Monday, 25 October 2010 00:00
People often ask me what the biggest mistakes are in dating. They are either just coming out of a long-term relationship and want to learn how to start dating again, or, they have been single a long time, would like to date, but lack the skills and confidence. The people who ask these questions and who worry about making mistakes in dating would like to fall in love… and stay in love… but they are full of doubts.
What do you need to know when you’re sincere about dating and you want to have greater success? What are the mistakes that people make that are predictors of failure?
Mr. Almost
Monday, 18 October 2010 00:00
Did you ever meet someone who was “almost” it …and then get stuck in confusion? Did you have conflicting feelings of: “He’s the one!” followed by, “Actually…I don’t think he’s the one…”? And did your family and friends weigh in with their equally confusing opinions?This situation can happen to the best of people, and unfortunately, many get caught in it, committing to a partnership that was never meant to be. Inevitably, this mismatched couple faces an eventual breakup… or, stressful, unfulfilled, limited (and even tragic) lives.
Here are the danger signs that you might wind up settling for “Mr. Almost:”
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