Marrying the Wrong Person

Thursday, 23 June 2011 02:48

Are you in a relationship that sometimes leaves you wondering… should I stay in it?  Do you think you might be a candidate for marrying the wrong person?  I talk to lots of people who stay in a relationship that isn’t working for them.  They have some sad reasons that keep them there.  Here are some thoughts that are often shared that may be lingering in your subconscious:

*  I would break up if I had the nerve to do it.
*  If I don’t marry this person…I’ll wind up never getting married.
*  I’m getting older…so no one is going to want me.
*  If I don’t marry this person, someone else will… and then I’ll be sorry or jealous or both.
*  I’ve said things and done things with this person that I can’t take back…so I’m obligated to get married, even though I have my doubts about whether I really want to.
*  Marriage will solve most of the problems we have.
*  If I left this person… what would people think?  (My mother, my father, my friends, the community?)
*  I would get out of this…but I have nowhere to go, and no one to go to.

If you recognize any of these thoughts, your life and your relationship are not going to get any better after marriage.  All of the above areas are red flags of what isn’t working…and what you need to do for yourself.

The first step would be to get serious about building your confidence.  Do you have: work and a career you are proud of? Good solid friends who are accomplished and have a “life”?  Things to do that are really fun and absorbing? A philosophy or spirituality that takes you above a one-dimensional life?

When you have earned confidence and self-respect, you are looking at all decisions through a different lens.  Then, you are less likely … to marry the wrong person.