How Do You Know If You’re In Love?
Monday, 08 August 2011 17:30
Limerence can last for up to a year and a half, but usually fades somewhere between six months to a year. What causes the chemistry bubble to burst? When you discover your love object is missing certain non-negotiable requirements, like honesty, fidelity, or kindness. However, if your partner sustains important qualities, and you still feel the chemistry for each other, your relationship has a pretty good chance.
What exactly IS chemistry? Today, Dr. Helen Fisher and other researchers have found some interesting facts about what causes people to be drawn to each other. Apparently, according to some studies, we are unconsciously magnetized by the way someone smells. Another surprising fact is that we are attracted to someone with a different immune system. How the human species figures that out, I’m not sure. But it indicates that there is more to chemistry than we have understood in the past.
Here are some further questions about love:
1. Are you in love?
If you have to ask, you probably aren’t. Asking these questions might serve you better:
* Do you accept the truth about the person you think you love, or are you making things up about what you want him or her to be?
* Do you think you can change the behavior habits that you do not like in this person? (You can’t.)
* Are you happy most of the time when you are together as a couple? (You should not be unhappy more than 20% of the time you share together.)
2. Would you die for love?
We’re not talking about really “dying” here, but something close to it for many people. Can you kill off your fear of commitment? The essence of this question is in choosing a great partner you can trust with your life. If you can’t trust the person, you can’t surrender your feelings to him or her.
3. Can you sustain intimacies with just one person?
There are many moments of two-people intimacies: physical, emotional, verbal, and intellectual, that couples share. It is the closeness of these moments that most people seek to have in their lives. It is why they marry, why they stay together, and why they continue to work things through, over and over. These moments belong in a private relationship and are not disclosed to others.
4. Have you let go of game playing?
If you are 10 years old, playing games is understandable. However, grown-up love has no room for deception, betrayal, or games. If you think you want to flirt with someone else to make your partner jealous, your relationship is in need of serious First Aid. Band-aids won’t work. Trying to incite jealousy to make someone care about you is a hemorrhage, not a scratch. Get a doctor, quick. (A relationship doctor.)
5. Are you kind?
Out of all the qualities you want to have… and look for in another… kindness is the most important. Kindness starts with not getting in a relationship that will never work because you have opposite values or goals. If you need to “train” someone to be tolerable, you are in trouble. Genuinely kind people also have strong boundaries and know how to take care of themselves. They know when to give and when to stay out of other people’s problems.
Falling in love can happen at any age. So can limerence. Think about the above five questions if you meet someone… and if they smell really, really good.