Five Types of Dates to Avoid
Sunday, 10 July 2011 18:40
1. Jealous
This one is a tick away from being a controller…or even, an abuser. They want to know where you’ve been, who you’ve been with, and why you went out… and the inquiry has a touch of resentment or irritation in it. If you have given this person a REASON to not trust you…then they may have grounds to feel insecure. You have to decide if this person is worth working it out with. You can’t expect to have any kind of relationship with anyone when you have mistrust in the mix.
But jealousy for no discernible reason masks deeper problems, like uncontrollable insecurity or rage, and knowing that it’s there will make you cautious about your every move. If you live with this type of behavior long enough, you will forget how to be spontaneous, how to have friends, and how to follow your dreams.
2. Desperate
This person has few, if any, friends, and is emotionally needy… clinging to you like Velcro. They want to be with you every minute, and if you believe them, they’ll make you think this is love. What they need is your energy because they don’t have any of their own. Without friends, hobbies, or a fulfilling career, they have nothing to source. They’re looking for someone to give them a reason to live. Unfortunately, desperate people can’t love anyone because they don’t know how to have a life of their own with some degree of happiness in it.
3. Opportunistic
Of all the people out there you want to avoid, this one can be the hardest to spot. First of all, there are lots of users, cruising for a Sugar Mama/Daddy to take care of them. They are clever, charming, complimentary, and attentive. They have perfected their act of looking and sounding good. They’re probably attractive, well dressed, and slim. They know what works. They have a good story to tell: their breakup or their divorce wasn’t their fault and all you have to do is love them unconditionally to make up any past hurts from others. According to them, you are the only good thing that’s ever happened to them. Once they have you hooked, the financial opportunity OR hard-luck story starts:
* They have a great investment in racehorses (or startup company, or restaurant, etc.) they want you to know about.
* They lost their job.
* Someone embezzled their money.
* They’re behind in child support payments (mortgage or car payments) and if they don’t make them, they’ll never see their child again.
They usually don’t ask for financial assistance because they don’t have to. You offer it. Whatever their approach… they need money. Save it, along with your time, and the love you can have with someone who can give you a mutual relationship.
4. Misunderstood
No matter what happens to this person, it’s never their fault. The boss is unfair; the ex was unfair; the world is unfair. Though they may not be aware of it…they have a corner on the market of suffering. No matter what you do; no matter how many problems you solve for them, their life will always be a crisis. Your plan of operation should be self-protective: don’t get caught in the web of trying to fix this life.
5. Nutty
We’ve all met someone crazy before, but sometimes, we aren’t aware of it right away. You have to decide to what degree the nuttiness is and if you find it tolerable. If Nutty has weapons and drugs, scary sex toys, and other habits or materials that could do soulful or bodily harm, this isn’t quirky—it’s dangerous. But if you find the puppets, baskets of teddy bears, 32 cats, or cages of snakes and spiders charming, that’s an individual matter you’ll have to decide works for you—or not. As long as Nutty is kind, sweet-tempered, self-supporting, and lovable—and is nutty about you—maybe it deserves more time.
You can save yourself a lot of emotional investment if you avoid the above types of dates. And if you find that you recognize some of these traits in yourself…you can do something about them. You don’t have to stay stuck. You can identify the habit or problem, find the resources for help, and take the actions you need to move forward.