Do Your Old Friends Like Your New Friend?

Thursday, 08 September 2011 01:28

Have you met someone new?  If so, you may find that some of your old friends have a hard time adjusting.  If they think that they are about to be replaced as the special confidant, best-buddy, first-priority in your life, they may experience a wave of panic.

Some people will be thrilled that the two of you have found each other. However, if some of your friends that you hang out with have been avoiding their problems or their empty lives …and you have been a big part of that distraction, they may start to feel threatened.  They may be invested in your staying single more than they (or you) understand.

Most relationships among family and friends are resilient, and can allow someone new into your life.  But some are fragile, built on unconscious and hidden agendas of the other parties, and are not meant to endure.  One of the ways to navigate those shifts and changes is to understand boundaries and how to set them.  With your boundaries in place, you can let people in …or you can encircle yourself and come out when it’s safe.  Boundaries are the necessary lines we draw to protect ourselves.  They are the limitations we set that let people know how close they can come.  They are also there to keep us from reaching out to people who have shown that they can’t be friends.

Often, we find it hard to refuse people.  Saying “no” can be hard when we think it means upsetting someone.  Most of us are afraid of being rejected or not being liked.  What is important to understand is that whenever we don’t set boundaries, we are open to being taken advantage of, and therefore, not respected.

To set tighter boundaries is to say goodbye to people, activities, and habits that drain your  energy.  If you feel tired, upset, or troubled, time after time, when you have been in certain situations… chances are, it’s time to let go.  When you know what is authentically good for you, perhaps you’ll know when to say “no” to a long list of demands you have been tolerating.

We cling to some of the relationships we know and to some of our old ways out of a sense of familiarity… or misguided loyalty.  Sometimes, the people in our lives (for reasons they don’t even understand) would rather see us stay the same and be miserable rather than change and ultimately be happy.  So get your boundaries in place.

It’s important to remember that there is always a possible collision course—when your old friends meet your new friend.