Dating Takes More Than Dreaming About It

Monday, 29 August 2011 01:00

My tastes in music tend to run all the way from classical to country.  When you spend 15 years training in ballet and the in-between time milking cows, working on a ranch, and going to rodeos…well…you can sorta see how the tree got bent…musically speaking.  So it was with some measure of delight that I read this quote in the Sunday New York Times a few weeks ago by country artist, Kenny Chesney:

Playing football was one of the first times in my life I realized nothing is given to you.  You have to work really hard.  I was a very short, slow wide receiver on a very mediocre football team.  And we had to work really hard to be as mediocre as we were.

Not only do I like some of this guy’s music, I love people who know how to make honest statements like that one.  I’m growing kind of weary of the… “you can be anything you dream of…” declarations.  From where I sit, I would say…not exactly.  Dreaming is one thing.  Doing it is something else.  You can’t leave out the most important element of all—hard work.

As a dating coach, most people who seek my services are shocked when they find out that being successful at dating is just like anything else…it takes a lot of work.  There’s the work of confronting the baggage, beliefs, and habits that have held you hostage for years.  Before you meet someone, you have to first meet yourself…and then set yourself free.  Following that comes constructing a life you are proud of that has purpose and passion that exudes an energy that attracts people.  Finally, with techniques, skills, and personal savvy, dating takes courage to get out there over and over to be willing to meet new people.

There’s a lot to be said about going for your dreams.  I have nothing against that and have always believed in the power of the mind and visualization.  But none of those forces come into play without the added principle of discipline …and plain old hard work.