Dating Regrets
Tuesday, 26 July 2011 13:08
1. Dating someone for the wrong reason
Fear of being alone is a big motivator. People would rather go out with anyone rather than not go out at all. You can get stuck on the idea that you will never find someone. And then you can get stuck … with the wrong person.
2. Missed opportunities
How many times did you notice someone interesting but walked away without saying anything? Chances are, they might have been interested in you too but thought you didn’t care because you didn’t speak to them. Sometimes, you have a short moment in time to seize an opportunity. You need to step up and introduce yourself. If you can get over the notion that you might be “rejected” you have nothing to lose. If the person you talk to isn’t friendly, you don’t want to be there with them anyway. Brush it off and move on. Finding your love takes a certain amount of risk. You can do it.
3. Working all the time
There is a fine line between being responsible at your job so you can take care of yourself, and working all the time to the point where you don’t have a life. Seek the balance, knowing that there will be times when it isn’t possible to keep reasonable hours if you are in the middle of a project. But you also need time to be alone, be with friends, be available to meet people to date, and rest and recharge yourself. Make your personal life as important as your work life.
4. Saying thoughtless things
Unkind words can kill a relationship. In the blink of an eye, put-down humor can stop sounding funny and start to sound mean. Pay attention to what people are sensitive to (usually their weight, how they look, their background, or their age) and be attuned to comments that are hurtful.
5. The inability to say “no”
You may be the kind of person who doesn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. You know how bad it would feel if someone turned you down … so you don’t want to do that to someone else. The problem is, if you don’t value your own happiness, you can get caught on this hook of being nice… and then cornered with someone you don’t really want. You have to learn to set your boundaries and politely excuse yourself from a conversation with someone you are not attracted to. Countless divorced people have told me they knew from the beginning of a relationship that it wasn’t right, but they didn’t know how to get out of it. Not saying “no” is a big dating regret for many people.
6. Bad communication
This is probably the worst dating mistake everyone regrets: not expressing their feelings. If you wait for the person you meet to say how he or she feels first, you may drift apart, not knowing there was the potential for a relationship. On the other hand, if you profess feelings of love before you know someone well, it can frighten them away. Sounding desperate is not attractive. Keep your expressions appropriate to the situation. Mean what you say, say what you mean, and don’t say it mean.
No one is perfect … and everyone has made some dating mistakes they’d like to forget. You are not alone.